Blog Archives
sCrimes of Grindlewald: How the Wizarding World Was Wiped of All Wonder!
Monday , 19, November 2018 Movies, Pulp Revolution 7 CommentsAs a reviewer, I’m told I have two distinct responses to movies. The first is “This movie is so bad they should bring back the stocks so we can lock up everyone involved and pelt them with rotten vegetables.” My second review posture is “Eh, it didn’t totally suck in every single way,” which I’m […]
Overlord: It’s Saving Private Ryan Meets Resident Evil Meets Captain America!
Monday , 12, November 2018 Movies 2 CommentsOverlord is Saving Private Ryan meets a Resident Evil video game meets Captain America: The First Avenger. And I mean that in very specific and detailed ways. The WWII movie is about a unit of the 101st Airborne being parachuted into Normandy the night of the D-Day invasion (the invasion being Operation Overlord, hence the […]
The Dead: When Making a Zombie Movie Almost Kills You
Monday , 5, November 2018 Movies Leave a commentThe Dead is a legitimate cinematic achievement. Shot on location in Burkina Faso, in West Africa, the twelve-week shoot saw the cast and crew face corrupt cops and officials (who demanded bribes to do their jobs and who occasionally mugged members of the production team), food poisoning, dysentery, and malaria, and the sudden death of […]
Final Fantasy XV Literally Had Me Begging the Game To End
Monday , 29, October 2018 Computer Games 2 CommentsWhen you get to the end of a game, and you’re begging for it to be over (out loud even, at least once), that’s not a good sign. I’m not saying it’s a bad game, just that it’s way too long. I wish I could tell you that Final Fantasy XV was completely awesome in […]
I’m assuming you’ve seen at least one episode of Scooby Doo. (If you haven’t, the hell are you doing here?) In every episode, there’s a scene something like this: Scooby Doo comes out dressed to the nines in a tuxedo. He sashays over to the monster the gang has been running from and dumps a […]
Money isn’t evil. Money isn’t even the root of all evil—the love of money is. So why are so many people enamored of the notion that making money is bad bad terribad? It’s true: there are immoral and ignoble ways to make money. (Like manufacturing candy corn or making pizzas with pineapple on them.) And […]
Venom: Sony Should DEFINITELY Fire Their Trailer Guy
Monday , 8, October 2018 Movies Leave a commentSo I went and saw Venom. It’s a Tom Hardy movie, and he was phenomenal in Warrior and also The Dark Knight Rises, Inception, Dunkirk, and so forth. He’s a great actor, but all the trailers for this film were terrible: among other things, the special effects for the Venom parasite were awful. The parasite […]
The Twilight Zone was a cultural phenomenon, and ever since TV producers have been stealing the formula and making bad TV with it. Though, to be honest, I don’t get the feeling that Amazon’s Phillip K. Dick’s Electric Dreams is trying to be The Twilight Zone. It’s more ripping off Black Mirror, another British-made sci-fi-centric anthology show about […]
The latest in a long string of live-action remakes of Disney classics, Christopher Robin took a different tack because it would be absolutely impossible to duplicate in a live-action film the charming and whimsical frame of the Winnie the Pooh movie, wherein rain would (for example) cause water to spill out of the page of […]
Frank Miller’s Brain Fart: All-Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder
Monday , 17, September 2018 Comics 4 CommentsSo, All-Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder. (And you thought MY titles were long.) This series is awful, to begin with. I just want to get that out of the way. It’s appalling. Abominable. Deeply nasty. But I’ll get to all that in a second. First, and I swear this is not a joke, […]
Jack Ryan is Just Rotten but Peppermint is Practically Perfect!
Monday , 10, September 2018 Movies 1 CommentOkay, that headline’s not QUITE fair, but I just couldn’t pass up the soulfully seductive sounds of a totally terrific triple alliteration. So sue me. Here’s something a little more fair (but which doesn’t make for as snappy a headline): Jack Ryan—the new Amazon Prime video series about Tom Clancy’s CIA analyst character—isn’t totally rotten, […]
Everything’s been done before. If you think you made something totally original, don’t worry: you haven’t. You’re just don’t know who did it before you yet.